She felt only relief when she took the razors. The shine of metal,
strong and elegant, as she stroked it gently. Yes, it was somehow good to know
that she would never in life feel numbed by people’s short-looked behaviour
again. There was only one message she left behind. A short poem, hastily
written and probably full of dumb metaphors without any sense. At least someone
could understand herself somehow, if the person were eager. Then, however, no
one ever cared for her, no one even dared to look behind the mask she was more
and more adapting to her face. Even her boyfriend suddenly started cheating on
her and that was when she knew she had no choice.
She smiled, as she stretched her arms, the vein below her pale skin
shone slightly blue. Her stomach was full of strange, undigested feelings, her
heart felt overwhelmed by the sheer force of unregistered stimuli. Only her
mind was, for once, emptied and cleansed from all the sorrow and fear, anxiety
and forgotten turmoils that kept her tumbling. She exchanged a cheeky smile with
the mirror, that reflected her whole ugliness and an unworthy body. Dragging on
her knees, she climbed into the well, which was of course a bathtub. The water
greeted her, it was the last acquaintance she had. Bubbles lured a last smile
from her face, but her soul felt nothing except for the endless deep sea of
darkness.
For a second, she hesitated and thought about another way how this could
go on. But as soon as she saw images of people that mistreated her and used her
kind nature, she felt more and more determined. A stubbornness led her hands,
as she clutched the razors. She slid the left wrist first, probably thinking
that she would have to write again with the other hand. As soon as the blood
started dripping from the vein, she trembled a little bit, but then a strange
light feeling rushed over her and she felt only acceptance to go on. Her
fingers shook as she slid the other wrist.
Dark-red and thick looked the liquid that had kept her in her pain for
so long. Now, it was changing the water’s colour. A warm feeling rushed through
her, made her softly drift away. As her lids closed, her gaze widened and she
stepped into the endless horizon of a new life, a new beginning…
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