Slipping

Instable

Trying to swim through oceans, trying to breath against the freezing winds. Keeping the head up while the whole body collapses, no one can hear you, no one can help you. Your feets are shaky, your eyes flicker around. There's something below, probably, at least that's what you're hoping for. Digging deeper and deeper only to be completely swallowed by the luring lover. It seems alluring to take the chance, to slip again, only one time again. But every step further crumbles inside you, tears down more and more aspects of your personality. Your cries echo unheard across endless streets, while your face is stiff and immovable, a mask of happiness, joy or even love. The world believes you feel perfectly alright, that you become their little magic perfect ideal. But with every push forward your inner compass loses its orientation. There's no room for regrets, no room for new ideas, just a projection of something you should be created by others and you follow. You follow while you sedate what your insights tell you. Just another step. Just another time slipping is what you wish for. Realizing your own instability, you increase the moments to slip out and loosen the tight bonds to cut yourself back even more again. Someone rushes to your side, a fine touch, but you can't stop remembering it. It's alluring to let go for one moment only again. Until the facade becomes invisible, until someone reaches inside. The walls tumble as the realization comes upon you but it's impossible now to slip out again except for finally slipping away. A cold kiss, a goodbye forever, you know you cannot cope with the loss because... finally... someone found your weakness and cured the opened wound. But you know, it's too alluring not to keep your own instability intact, to stay untouched and with a lack of emotions. So it's your choice and you want it, you feel it inside yourself that you deserve this struggle, this fighting while you keep up the same, happy face and behave like the ideal everybody projects onto you. Only until you let go for a moment again, because slipping out is the last way for you to be the person you normally hide, depraved by reflections and projections you're finally freed by the medication...